Last month we posted an entry about being unemployed for one year from the blog Jobless and Less. Now, here are two posts about that same depressing milestone from the blog State of the Unemployed Union. The feelings of self-doubt, depression, and finally growth may be familiar to anyone who has gone through such a long-term period of joblessness.

First, a post called Gain & Loss:

Nearly one year ago I lost what was the best job I had ever had… Eight months into this job, two of the owners asked to meet with me privately. They immediately got down to business. I was a wonderful person, they explained, and they really liked me, but economic conditions dictated that cuts be made and they had to let me go.

My head spun. I cried openly. I had loved that job with all my heart. I liked my co-workers, had the respect of my superiors, loved the clients, and enjoyed the work I was doing. This was supposed to be “the” job. The company I would grow with and eventually retire from. But it was not to be.

This job loss, unlike the previous two, left me in a deep depression. I felt lacking in every respect even though my bosses had told me that they really liked me. It wasn’t a decision that they had wanted to make. It had been coming on for some time.

I had been suspicious for several months. The market was spiraling downward, banks were failing, and clients were scared and pulling up stakes. I had access to the reports containing assets under management data. I saw with my own eyes the effect the economy was having on this wonderful company. I even expressed my concern to one of the owners three months before I had been let go and he assured me that the company was doing everything possible to maintain itself, that they had seen down times before and never cut personnel to stay afloat. They held the family together, battened down the hatches, sailed the rough seas together until those seas calmed. I had no need to worry.

So I didn’t worry. Then reality hit and I was out of a job. I immediately updated my resume and references. I posted my updated resume on every online job search site I could find. I signed up with several staffing agencies. Each assured me that my skills and qualifications would grant me a new job soon. I had great skill to offer and my references were excellent. “Don’t worry. You’ve got what employers are looking for right now.” But there were no phone calls. No requests for interviews.

My depression deepened. I would get the kids off to school and go back to bed. Watch television and answer online job ads for two hours and go back to bed. I sat on the couch for three months until my husband made me join a gym just to get me out of the house and into some sort of routine.

I kept on keeping on, but the phone did not ring for months. Working out regularly at the gym, however, did begin to ease the depression. Nearly one year later I am still unemployed. But the phone has recently begun to ring.

The follow-up post, called Anniversary:

I knew this day would come. But that doesn’t mean that I am any more prepared to deal with it.

Today is the one year anniversary of the loss of my last job….I have suffered varying degrees of depression since I lost my job. It started out pretty severe, with me sleeping all but two hours a day and planting myself on the couch for those two hours.

My husband talked me into joining a gym in order to give me a place to go on a regular basis and to aide in dealing with the depression. After three months of talking about it I finally joined. It was a huge and frightening step to take in my recovery. I would have to be around people that I did not know, and not only that, I would be exercising in front of them. Physical movement. Sweating. Gasping for breath.

The image of me working out was not attractive in any sense of the word. But I went. I began going for thirty minutes three times a week. I could indulge in the trashiest of t.v. shows while pounding through my scattered thoughts on the treadmill. And as time passed I really did begin to feel better. I even began to get to know the trainers, Ryan and Britt. They bestowed upon me the nickname of Princess. (I am the schlubbiest looking woman at the gym so the irony is not lost on me)

My well-being seemed to grow in inverse proportion to my job prospects. The better I felt, the fewer the job prospects. I had continued to send my resume and make follow up calls, but interviews were not requested and calls were not returned. I felt really good, though.

This good feeling lead me into confidently emailing my former employer informing them that I was still unemployed nearly a year out and could they forward my updated resume to associates in the industry who may be hiring. I also asked that, if they were seeking an assistant, could I be considered? They wrote back that they were glad to hear from me, would happily forward my resume on my behalf, but were in no position to hire at this time. Fees were still down and expenses had to be contained.

Receiving that mostly positive response from my former employer increased my good feelings and got me thinking. Did I really want to go back if they had been able to rehire me? I think the answer to that question is no. If the economy and the position of the company were so shaky that I had lost my job after a mere eight months, even after some economic recovery, what would prevent the same thing from happening again? I would still just be an assistant. I would still have no control whatsoever over my career.

And I have come to realize in this year of unemployment that what I want most, more than job stability, more than a decent salary, is control. I want control over my career. I want to call the shots. Control over my career equals control over my life. I may need to take chances that I would not typically take. I may need to get out of my comfort zone. And it may be harder to earn the amount of money I need to earn. But if I am in control – if I call all the shots – I could be happy. And the money and the stability will follow. Thinking on these things is helping me to get through this day of dubious distinction.

Happy anniversary to me.

Posted on December 14, 2009 at 3:33 pm
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