Well, even with the unemployment rate so high, we know at least some people are working. How do we know? The web site Overheard in the Office, where people send in quotes they’ve actually heard in their workplace. Start with these…

Product development guy: I just got an e-mail in Chinese… What do I do?
Product development gal: Just copy/paste it into Microsoft Word and change the font.
Product development guy: It’s Chinese, not Wingdings.
Queens, New York

Office drone #1 at copier: I want a sandwich.
Office drone #2 at copier: It only prints and copies.
Hawthorne, NY

Female worker #1: As a smoker these days I really feel like a social leprechaun.
Female worker #2: You mean “leper”?
Female worker #1: What?
Canberra, Australia

Coworker to office: Woo-hoo! I’m almost done with my list! Then I’m going to have a little party with myself! Um…That didn’t sound good.
Seattle, WA

New boss to room full of employees: I want everyone to know I’m a friend. My door is always open… except for when it’s closed. When it’s closed I’m generally yelling at someone, so you won’t want to come in.
Memphis, TN

Boss to employee: I mean, it’s not rocket scientists.
Springfield, Miss

New supervisor: I’m not sure how to code one of my employees. She’s been out for over a week with a medical condition.
HR assistant: You should talk to Dave. He’s the STD expert.
New supervisor: It’s not that kind of a condition…
HR assistant: I meant “Short Term Disability.”
Santa Fe, NM

Bossman: Ted, keep in mind: if you screw this up, we will beat you like a piñata. We’ll beat you till the candy comes out.
Denver, CO

Coworker, trying to get security card out of pocket: Why would you stand there and let me unbutton my pants when you already had yours out?
Nashville, TN

Smirky coworker in room full of women: Well, two thirds of the people in the US who make minimum wage are women, so it’s not my problem.
Rochester, NY

Lauren: So I went on this diet and I was eating cream of mushroom soup. And I thought, “wow, this is awfully thick. It’s like pudding!” Then I realized you’re supposed to put water in it.
Boss: Jesus Christ, Lauren!
Lauren: I know, right?
Boss: Why did we hire you again?
Fontana, CA

Boss in special activities division: The short answer is: it’s classified.
Bearded man: What’s the long answer?
Boss: The long answer is: it’s classified, and I don’t like you.
CIA Headquarters, Langley, Virginia

Suit: You’re working hard and we really appreciate what you do, but this is a clusterf***.
Washington, DC

Analyst: You said you broke two bones in your e-mail, but you actually just broke your arm.
Boss: Yes, I broke my bone… now I have two bones!
Analyst: No! You have two pieces of one bone now. Bones are treated as a whole. You’re trying to get extra sympathy. If I break a pen in half, how many pens do I have?
Boss: Two!
Analyst: How are you my boss?
Alberta, Canada

British receptionist, on intercom: I just found a water bottle in the toilet. If it’s yours please come to the front desk to get it. (a moment later) No, the water bottle was not literally in the toilet.
Manhattan, New York

IT guy: What’s wrong?
Foreign IT guy, sniffing: I’m not sure.
IT guy: Don’t worry, you’re in America now. There’ll be stuff wrong with you that you never knew was wrong and whatever it is, there’ll be a pill for it.
Foreign IT guy: Uhhhh… thanks.
Aliso Viejo, California

PR coordinator: How did that conference call go?
PR director: Well, I doodled a sketch of myself jumping off the top of our parking garage. So… not good.
Salt Lake City, Utah

Posted on November 12, 2009 at 12:09 pm
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