Stuff Unemployed People Like
September 22, 2009Jon Brooks 1 Comment »
Have you been laid off? Fired? Canned? Pink-slipped? Axed? Downsized? Dismissed? Sacked? Shown the door? Made redundant? Given an exit interview? Escorted from the building by security? Assigned to “special projects” working out of your home with no title and no pay?
It ain’t no self-esteem picnic, that’s for sure. And now even the sandwich-board guy’s being offered a job. Why didn’t you think of that?
Well cheer up, friend. It’s not like there are no pleasures to be had from the jobless “experience.” How do we know that? From reading Stuff Unemployed People Like. The About page:
Sounds like fun. Or more fun, anyway, than sitting in your underwear eating Frosted Flakes with one eye on the Jobs: Customer Service section of Craig’s List and the other on “Live with Regis and Kelly.”
And it’s interesting, the stuff the unemployed like. Cramming in their health care, for instance.
The minute a pink slip is handed in, the soon-to-be-unemployed jump on the phone and try to schedule a doctor’s appointment as soon as possible. If they have the “fortune” to get laid off early in the month, they have that much more time to see a doctor before having the responsibility of paying 100% of their bill. If not, the unemployed will lie through their teeth about some sort of vague infection to get a chance to see the doctor. Once in, the unemployed will go through a giant list of stuff they want to get checked out, what vaccinations they’d like to have shot into their arms all at once, and ask for as many prescriptions as they can just so they can avoid future visits because of those dreaded co-pays. After getting their tests done and hoping for the best that no lab results will be negative enough for them to become disqualified for future health insurance, the unemployed will start figuring out their next plan: going to quack doctors, figuring out who will marry them, and raiding everybody’s medicine cabinets to supplement their unfilled prescriptions.
Or how about fast food value menus? Yes, the unemployed like those.
A taco for $0.69 and a bean burrito for $0.99? The unemployed will gladly order that, plus a side of cheesy potatoes for $0.79 and, because they’re saving money by ordering off the value menu, they’ll treat themselves with a $0.89 apple dessert. Less than five dollars later, the unemployed have figured out a way to ensure they won’t go hungry while simultaneously given themselves a task for the rest of their day – Googling how to get rid of their indigestion.
You also probably didn’t know that the unemployed constantly scavenge for toilet paper they can steal.
The quest for toilet paper usually happens in public places where the unemployed are less likely to feel guilty about their petty theft. Occasionally the unemployed will grab a roll or two when they visit their parents, or quietly take a roll from a friend’s house if they’re on their last few sheets at home. Although the shame of stealing toilet paper from a friend might make the unemployed keep their distance for a while, it’s completely worth it when they experience the softness of two-ply paper – or quilted if the friends and family are high rollers.
Some other interesting practices of the unemployed:
- Pretending to be a Student to Get Discounts
- Living with Their Ex Because They Can’t Afford to Move Out
- Going on a Road Trip to Ponder the Meaning of Life. Or Something.
As you can see, the way this blog delves into the customs and rites of the jobless with a fine anthropological eye makes it a must-click for not just the unemployed themselves, but for anyone who has an interest in learning more about them. So read up, friends, because with the jobless rate at nearly 10%, you just never know…
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:17 pm
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