Unemployment, feminism, and domesticity
February 5, 2010Jon Brooks Comments OffInteresting post from a laid-off journalist confronting the realities of being a stay-at-home mom for the first time. From Los Angeles Moms Blog:
Unemployment puts new spin on feminism – Laura Clark
I have always rebelled against domesticity.
Maybe it was growing up with a single mom who worked. Maybe it was the fact that I can barely boil water without the risk of third-degree burns or something really bad. But maybe it’s because I was hell-bent on becoming a “career woman” while still developing ovaries in the womb.
That’s not to say I wasn’t a little jealous of my friends who had stay-at-home moms. When I’d tag along with them after school, I’d sometimes turn a little green with envy as their moms stopped whatever project they were working on to give us an after-school treat. In my house after school, I always dug out my own treat.
Since I’ve been at home this past month-plus after being laid off from my job in journalism, I haven’t had a choice in the matter — and I’m not used to that. A lack of choice.
Lots of women are having to confront this now. For me, it’s confronting the fact that I have benefited from all of those scorched bras of the 1960s and ’70s. The feminists of yesterday helped pave the way for me to almost take for granted that I could go to the college of my dreams and, upon graduation, land on my feet in a career I had chosen.
Not that it wasn’t a struggle. I had to prove myself at entry level, earning an almost laughable salary, and work my way up. But the fact that I got my foot in the door wasn’t ever a male vs. female thing for me. It was simply an “I got this on my own merits” reality.
Now, unemployment is large-scale and knows no gender bounds.
But as I adjust to stay-at-home life, even temporarily, it is often frustrating feeling stuck. It’s unfamiliar territory. Until now, my hard word almost always paid off. Now, my hard work pays very little.
In dollars, that is.
Once I get past that frustration of applying and applying for an endless series of jobs (sometimes I feel I’m one step away from becoming David Sedaris’ department store elf just to get out of the house) I realize what an amazing gift I’ve been given.
I’m spending more time than ever with my child, watching her grow, listening as her vocabulary increases and seeing her develop a strong personality that’s entirely her own. I get to watch that on a daily basis — not just at breakfast or while putting her to bed, but also at 3 o’clock in the afternoon.
Heck, while she was still in daycare, I was the one providing her with an after-pre-preschool snack.
And I’m wondering if it’s not making me a little more domestic, forcing — er, allowing — me to focus on home issues while my so-called career takes a backseat.
Admittedly, I’ve still got a toe dipped in the blogging pool, which is definitely work. But it’s a different kind of work — something that encourages me to spend more time with my daughter and chronicle our adventures around the city. (It’s just that now, the chronicling part sometimes happens in pajamas and with seriously bad hair.)
While I might stamp my foot occasionally at how long it’s taking to find a job, I also have to stop myself. I’m lucky to have a cushion that allows me to nurture these fleeting moments. I’m lucky to be “working” for myself right now. And I’m lucky that I have this opportunity to foster a part of myself I never knew existed. I’m slowly unlocking my inner domestic diva — well, domestic dabbler at the very least.
Because feminism wasn’t — and still isn’t — just about being a career woman. It’s about relishing all of the amazing things we ladies can do and celebrating the things we never thought we could do but are doing — with or without a paycheck.
