F My Life part II
April 22, 2010Jon Brooks Comments OffMore anecdotes of woe from the site FMyLife.
Today, after five months of not working, I have a check waiting for me at the office. Too bad the office is in another city. My gas tank is empty, and I have no money to put gas in my car. FML
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Today, I applied and was accepted for a part-time network engineering position. Being contract work they asked me what I charge. I replied, “$12 an hour.” After a look of surprise they accepted me for the position and said, “Our last guy charged $200 an hour, you’re a bargain.” FML
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Today, I had to file for bankruptcy because my ex-wife didn’t want to pay for the house she didn’t want me to have in the divorce, and didn’t bother to have my name removed from the loan before she filed bankruptcy herself. FML
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Today, I got a call from the police saying they found my stolen car. Not only did I not know my car was stolen, but it was completely stripped. No tires or doors left, and the engine was taken apart. FML
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Today, I received notice that I had not been paying my bills and had an outstanding debt of $2074. Apparently, my 7 year old son has been taking my mail and playing “mailman” for the past 3 months. FML
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Today, it was my first day at work. I was being showed around by one of the managers, and saw a guy I had a one night stand with in September. I ignored it for a while, until she led me to him and introduced him as my boss. FML
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Today, after almost 2 years of work, I got promoted. I was very excited because this would mean I would also get a raise. I did get a raise, a 15 cent raise. FML
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Today, I had to take the train to get to a workshop for a job I’m applying for. I didn’t realize I’d gotten on the train going in the opposite direction until a half hour later. I don’t think I’m going to get the job, and I need the money or else I’m getting evicted. FML
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Today, a friend from work was acting really awkward around me. After a while, he came up to me, asked what I was doing Monday, and told me he had something to ask me. Trying not to get his hopes up, I went off on a ramble about how I didn’t feel that way about him. He only wanted to swap shifts. FML
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Today, I had to come home to tell my now unemployed wife that the job I took halfway across the country and made her quit her career for fired me on the third day. FML
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Today, I found out my broker invested my $6000 in the wrong stock. How did I find out? He called me to let me know the stock crashed. FML
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Today, my 4 year old son thought it was funny to put money in the shredder. He stuck over 500 dollars in it. FML
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Today, I finally removed my car insurance after realizing it costs too much money. Since I then had more money, I went to celebrate with ice cream. On the way, I got hit by a truck. FML
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Today, I found a wallet belonging to some guy, it had $355 inside. Because he had his address written inside, I decided to return it hoping for a reward. I drove for 40 mins and finally got to his house during peak hour. All he did was say “oh cool”. FML
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Today, I checked my university financial account to discover I owed them over $1000. The reason? They had apparently given me too much money when I applied for a loan and now want it back. Oh, and I spent my loan money on books and a laptop for school. FML——————————————————————————————————————-
Today, it was my first day of work at a daycare downtown. I knew I’d get the job after I’d spent my interview telling the owner how experienced I am, taking care of children all my life. It’s 9 pm, and I just left the emergency room after dropping 8 month old Tyler on his face. Oh yeah, I’m fired. FML——————————————————————————————————————-
Today, my sister and I got envelopes from our boss, we work at the same place. Her envelope had her work schedule for the week. Mine contained a note that said, “We need to talk.” FML
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Today, after working an 8 hour shift that kept me out until 2am, I slept for five hours, during which time I dreamed about working. When I woke up, I left to work another 9 hour shift. FML
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Today, I talked myself out of buying $1 candle at the Dollar Tree. That’s how broke I am. FML
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Today, I got l disconnect notices for both my water and my electric. After looking over my budget, I realized that I can only pay for one until next month. FML
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Part I here.
